The scoring formula (simple + transparent)

Each slider is rated from 1 to 10. We take a weighted average (because some skills tend to influence the whole relationship experience more strongly), then scale the result to 0–100. The goal is a readable snapshot you can repeat over time.

• Responsiveness: 20%
• Openness: 18%
• Empathy: 18%
• Comfort with closeness: 16%
• Boundaries: 14%
• Repair after conflict: 14%

• Responsiveness is the “show up” signal (follow‑through builds trust).
• Openness and empathy reduce guessing games and defensiveness.
• Repair matters because conflict is normal; recovery is the skill.
• Boundaries prevent resentment and burnout (availability isn’t over‑giving).

First we compute a weighted average on the 1–10 scale:

WeightedAvg = 0.18·Openness + 0.20·Responsiveness + 0.16·ClosenessComfort + 0.14·Boundaries + 0.18·Empathy + 0.14·Repair

Then we scale it to 0–100 so it’s easier to interpret:

Score = round( ((WeightedAvg − 1) / 9) × 100 )

That means a “1” across the board maps near 0, a “10” maps near 100, and a “5–6” tends to land around the middle. We clamp scores between 0 and 100 to avoid weird edge cases.

Three real‑world scenarios

You’re warm in person, but inconsistent by text. Inputs: Openness 6, Responsiveness 3, Closeness 6, Boundaries 6, Empathy 7, Repair 6. The weighted average is pulled down mostly by responsiveness — and your score lands in the “inconsistent” zone.

What to try: pick a tiny responsiveness habit: reply within 24 hours, confirm plans the day before, or send one simple “I’m swamped but I’m thinking of you” message. You don’t need more romance — you need more steadiness.

You show up, but you rarely share feelings. Inputs: Openness 3, Responsiveness 7, Closeness 4, Boundaries 7, Empathy 6, Repair 6. Your score can still be mid‑range because consistency helps — but the lowest lever is openness/closeness.

What to try: practice a short “feeling + meaning” sentence: “I felt nervous today, so I got quiet.” Small honesty builds safety without oversharing.

You connect well until conflict. Inputs: Openness 7, Responsiveness 7, Closeness 7, Boundaries 6, Empathy 6, Repair 3. Most sliders are high — but low repair can drop the score and the relationship experience.

What to try: create one reliable repair ritual: a 20‑minute cool‑off, then a “what I heard you say” recap, then one concrete next step. Repair is learnable — it’s not “chemistry,” it’s skill.

What each slider is really measuring

Openness is your willingness to be known. Low openness often looks like “I’m fine,” vague answers, humor‑only responses, or staying in logistics. High openness looks like sharing feelings, hopes, and concerns in a measured way. Openness isn’t dumping — it’s giving enough truth that the other person can stop guessing.

Responsiveness is the trust‑builder. It’s not about texting 24/7 — it’s about being reliably present in the ways you agreed to be. Low responsiveness creates ambiguity (“Do they care?”). High responsiveness creates steadiness (“I can count on them.”). If you’re busy, responsiveness can be a simple heads‑up.

This captures how your nervous system handles intimacy. Some people shut down when things get close; others get anxious and chase reassurance. Higher comfort means you can tolerate closeness without losing yourself. You can want connection and still breathe.

Boundaries keep availability sustainable. Without boundaries, you might over‑give, resent, and withdraw. With healthy boundaries, you can say “no” without guilt and “yes” without self‑betrayal. Clear boundaries actually make you more available long‑term.

Empathy here means attunement: noticing feelings (yours and theirs) and responding with respect. It’s different from agreement. High empathy can sound like “That makes sense” or “I can see why you’d feel that.” Low empathy often shows up as fixing, dismissing, lecturing, or making it about you.

Repair is the ability to recover after tension. Every relationship has misattunements. The question is: do you come back? High repair looks like pausing, taking responsibility, apologizing, clarifying, and reconnecting. Low repair looks like ghosting, stonewalling, or acting like nothing happened. Repair is one of the strongest predictors of long‑term relationship satisfaction — because conflict is inevitable.

How to raise your score (without pretending)

• Use a “small truth” once per week: one feeling + one need (short sentence).
• Replace “I’m fine” with a 1‑word emotion (“tired,” “excited,” “overwhelmed”).
• Share timing: “I’m processing; I’ll be ready to talk tonight.”

• Set a realistic pattern: “I’m not a fast texter; I reply at lunch and after work.”
• Confirm plans early (clarity > charm).
• Use the “tiny acknowledgment”: “Got it — I’ll reply properly later.”

• Practice staying present for 60 seconds longer before you retreat.
• Name the body signal: “I’m feeling flooded; I need a pause.”
• Move one step at a time: closeness is built through small safe moments.

• Use one boundary script: “I can’t do X, but I can do Y.”
• Stop over‑explaining. One sentence is enough.
• Notice resentment early — it’s a boundary alarm.

• Try “reflect then respond”: repeat what you heard before you answer.
• Swap advice for curiosity: “What would feel supportive right now?”
• Remember: empathy is a tone, not a perfect solution.

• Create a repair phrase: “Can we reset? I care about us.”
• Apologize for the impact, not the intention.
• End conflict with a next step (a plan beats a promise).

Frequently Asked Questions

• Is emotional availability the same as attachment style?

  Not exactly. Attachment style is a longer‑term pattern; emotional availability is a practical snapshot of how open, responsive, and repair‑capable you feel right now. Your attachment history can influence it, but your score can also change with sleep, stress, healing, and the specific relationship.

• Can someone be “available” but still need boundaries?

  Yes — boundaries are part of availability. Without boundaries, people often burn out and withdraw. Healthy availability is sustainable closeness, not over‑giving.

• What score is “good”?

  A score above ~65 usually means you have a decent baseline of openness, responsiveness and repair. The best goal isn’t perfection — it’s clarity and upward movement over time. If your lowest slider rises by 1 point, your relationships often feel noticeably better.

• What if my score is low — does that mean I shouldn’t date?

  A low score can mean “not now,” “not with this person,” or “I’m overloaded.” It doesn’t mean you’re broken. Use it as information. If you do date, choose slower pacing and higher clarity: honest expectations, clear boundaries, and a willingness to repair. If you feel stuck, a therapist or coach can help.

• Why does repair matter so much?

  Because conflict happens even in healthy relationships. Repair is how trust returns. Two people can love each other and still drift if they never fully reconnect after tension. Repair is a skill you can learn.

• Is this tool clinical or diagnostic?

  No. This is a self‑reflection calculator for education and clarity. It does not diagnose any condition, and it cannot tell you what you “are.” If you’re concerned about your mental health or relationship safety, contact a qualified professional.

Make it viral: “One Slider, One Week”

Want the fastest improvement? Pick the lowest slider and run a 7‑day micro‑challenge. Post it as a private note or share it with a friend for accountability.

• Pick your lowest area (example: responsiveness).
• Choose one tiny behavior (example: reply within 24 hours).

• Do the tiny behavior once per day.
• Keep it boring on purpose — boring is reliable.

• Re‑run the calculator and see what moved.
• Keep the habit if it improved connection.

If you share: try “My Emotional Availability Score is __/100. This week I’m improving ___ by 1 point.”

Related tools (fast links)

Jump to other calculators on MaximCalculator:

How to use this responsibly

Use the score to notice trends, start conversations, or build small habits. Don’t use it to label yourself or someone else. If a relationship includes coercion, threats, or fear, prioritize safety and support. For deeper patterns (trauma, attachment wounds, anxiety, depression), a licensed professional can help.

• Run this monthly (or after major life changes).
• Track the lowest slider and work on that first.
• Celebrate small increases — they’re often the most durable.