The scoring formula (transparent + simple)

Each slider is rated from 1 to 10. “Past hurt load” is reversed because higher unresolved hurt often makes trust feel risky. We combine the sliders with weights, then scale the result to 0–100.

• Safety signals: 20% (trust is hard without safety)
• Boundaries: 18% (boundaries make closeness safer)
• Self‑trust: 16% (you can rely on your own judgment)
• Emotional regulation: 14% (stability helps you interpret signals)
• Communication: 12% (repairs misunderstandings)
• Openness: 10% (willingness to connect)
• Past hurt (reversed): 10% (old pain can keep alarms on)

• Convert “past hurt load” into a positive value: healing = 11 − hurt.
• Compute a weighted average on the 1–10 scale.
• Scale it to 0–100: ((avg − 1) / 9) × 100.

Three realistic score examples

Use these to sanity‑check your result. Notice how the pattern matters more than the exact number.

• High safety signals (8–10) + solid boundaries (7–9)
• Past hurt low or mostly processed (hurt 2–4)
• You can communicate needs and recover after small conflicts

• Boundaries or regulation is mid (4–6), openness is mid (4–6)
• Past hurt is moderate (hurt 5–7)
• You may trust, but only after repeated consistency

• Safety signals feel low (1–4) or past hurt is very active (hurt 8–10)
• Boundaries feel blurry (1–4), communication is hard when anxious
• Best move: stabilize + protect yourself before deep vulnerability

What your score usually means

Your score is a readiness estimate — not a verdict. Different people can have the same score for different reasons. Use the “lowest slider” as your next step.

• Trust may feel unsafe right now. That can be wise.
• Focus on basics: sleep, nervous system calming, support, and boundaries.
• Practice “small trust” (tiny commitments) before big vulnerability.

• You can trust sometimes, but you need consistency.
• Use clear boundaries and check “safety signals” often.
• Try repair skills: naming needs, clarifying assumptions, and asking questions.

• You’re generally ready to trust — especially in safer contexts.
• Keep boundaries strong and avoid rushing intimacy.
• Watch for mismatch between your readiness and their behavior.

• You’re open and stable enough to build trust.
• Choose people who show consistency, respect, and accountability.
• Stay honest with yourself if safety signals drop.

5 micro‑moves that raise trust readiness fast

If you want a “viral‑friendly” takeaway: trust is a ladder, not a leap. These are the most common rungs.

• Micro‑no: say no to one small thing this week (boundary practice).
• Reality check: write 3 safety signals you see — and 1 red flag you won’t ignore.
• Repair script: “When X happened, I felt Y. What did you mean?”
• Self‑trust promise: one promise to yourself that you keep in 24 hours.
• Slow ramp: share one level deeper only after consistency is shown.

• Reduce pressure. Trust grows when your nervous system isn’t on fire.
• Consider support: friend, mentor, therapist, coach, community.

Trust Readiness Meter — Frequently Asked Questions

• Is a low score “bad”?

  Not necessarily. A low score can mean you’re protecting yourself after real experiences. The goal isn’t to force trust — it’s to identify what would make trust feel safer.

• Can this tell me if someone else is trustworthy?

  No. This measures your internal readiness. Another person’s trustworthiness depends on their behavior: consistency, honesty, accountability, and respect for boundaries.

• Why is “past hurt load” reversed?

  Because the more active old hurt feels, the more your system tends to stay on alert. We convert it into a “healing/settled” score so that higher values raise readiness.

• How often should I use this?

  Weekly works well. If you’re actively working on boundaries or regulation, try it every few days and save snapshots to watch the trend line.

• What if my score is high but I keep choosing unsafe people?

  Readiness is not the same as selection. Keep “safety signals” honest, and treat early red flags as data. A good practice is to write your non‑negotiables before you get emotionally invested.

• Can trust readiness change quickly?

  Yes. Regulation, sleep, stress, and recent conflict can move your score. That’s why the meter uses a timeframe selector — today might look different from the last 30 days.

What this calculator is really doing (1500–2000 words, human version)

“Trust” is a loaded word because we use it for multiple things at once: trusting ourselves to make good choices, trusting other people to treat us well, trusting a situation to be stable, and trusting that we can recover if we’re wrong. That’s why trust can feel confusing — you might be calm with one person and guarded with another, or confident at work but anxious in dating.

The Trust Readiness Meter is designed to untangle that confusion. It doesn’t try to “diagnose” you. Instead, it turns trust into seven practical ingredients that you can actually work with. If you’re not ready to trust, the goal isn’t to shame you into opening up. The goal is to see what needs to be true for trust to feel safer.

Self‑trust is the foundation of all other trust. When you trust yourself, you don’t need perfect guarantees from others. You can take reasonable risks because you believe you’ll notice problems, speak up, and make adjustments. Self‑trust comes from small evidence: keeping promises to yourself, handling mistakes without collapsing into self‑attack, and making choices you respect afterward.

If your self‑trust slider is low, relationships can feel higher stakes. You may over‑depend on reassurance, second‑guess your gut, or stay too long in situations that don’t feel right. A simple way to build self‑trust is to make one small, clear promise and keep it in the next 24 hours (example: “I’ll go outside for 10 minutes,” or “I’ll reply to that message by 5pm”). Small wins rebuild your sense of reliability.

Regulation isn’t about never feeling anxious — it’s about being able to come back to baseline. Trust requires uncertainty. If uncertainty flips your nervous system into panic, you’ll either cling (over‑trust too fast) or withdraw (under‑trust even when someone is safe). A steady nervous system gives you time to interpret signals: “Is this a real red flag, or am I reacting to an old pattern?”

If regulation is low, don’t force more openness. Instead, make trust smaller. Keep connection, but reduce intensity: shorter conversations, clearer plans, more rest, and simple grounding techniques (slow exhale, feet on floor, a short walk). Stability first; intimacy second.

Boundaries are what make trust safe. Without boundaries, trusting can feel like surrendering. With boundaries, trusting can feel like choosing. The boundary slider includes two skills: (1) clarity (“I know what I want”), and (2) follow‑through (“I act on it”). Many people can say “no” in theory, but then they explain too much, apologize, or bend under pressure. That’s not a character flaw — it’s usually learned from environments where saying no had consequences.

Raising boundaries doesn’t require becoming cold. Start with a micro‑no: decline a small request without over‑explaining. Example: “I can’t this week, but thank you for asking.” Practicing small boundaries builds the muscle for bigger ones, and it immediately increases trust readiness because you know you can protect yourself if needed.

Trust isn’t built by never having conflict. It’s built by how conflict is handled. Communication increases readiness because it gives you a way out of confusion. If you can ask questions, clarify intent, and express needs, you’re less likely to catastrophize silence or misread behavior. In healthy relationships, communication is also how trust repairs after a mistake.

A simple repair script often works better than a long speech: “When X happened, I felt Y. What did you mean?” It gives the other person a chance to clarify while also honoring your emotional reality.

Openness is the willingness to let someone matter. You can be safe, stable, and communicative — and still not want closeness. That might be temporary (you’re tired, stressed, healing), or it might be a preference (some people are naturally more private). The openness slider is not “good vs bad.” It’s simply: how available are you to connect at this moment?

In practice, openness works best when paired with boundaries. Boundaries prevent over‑sharing. Openness prevents emotional isolation. A balanced approach is “step‑sharing”: share one layer deeper, then pause to see how it lands. If the response is respectful and consistent, you can take another step.

This is the part many people skip: you can’t “self‑work” your way into feeling safe in an unsafe context. If safety signals are low — disrespect, inconsistency, secrecy, hot‑and‑cold behavior, boundary pushing — your nervous system may be correctly cautious. That’s why safety signals get the highest weight (20%) in the formula.

Examples of green flags (safety signals):

• They follow through on what they say (small consistency, not grand promises).
• They respect no without punishment, pouting, or pressure.
• They can apologize without making it about their shame.
• They match intimacy speed (they don’t rush you or punish you for slowing down).

Safety signals are also contextual. Work teams have safety signals (clarity, fairness, feedback culture). Friendships have them (reliability, care, mutual respect). Dating has them (consistency, honesty, boundary respect). That’s why this calculator lets you choose a trust context — the interpretation can shift slightly.

Past hurt is not just memory — it can be a live alarm system. If the hurt is still active, your body can react to “almost‑similar” situations as if they’re the original danger. That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your system is trying to protect you. In the formula, we reverse this slider into a “healing/settled” value: healing = 11 − hurt. This way, lower hurt increases readiness, and higher hurt lowers it.

If your hurt load is high, don’t rush intimacy. Focus on repair: journaling, supportive conversations, therapy/coaching, and “graded trust” (earning trust through small repeated experiences).

Most “Are you ready to trust?” quizzes use one or two big statements. The problem is that trust readiness is multi‑dimensional. Two people can both say “I’m not ready,” but for different reasons. One might feel unsafe because the environment is chaotic. Another might feel unsafe because their boundaries are weak. Another might be safe and stable but simply not open right now.

A weighted score makes the meter more useful: it captures the pattern and gives you a direction. The score is not the point — the lowest slider is. That’s your “next lever.”

Here’s a simple, practical way to use this tool:

• Step 1: Look at the score label (Not ready / Cautious / Ready).
• Step 2: Identify your lowest slider and choose one micro‑move from the “Practical next steps” section.
• Step 3: If safety signals are low, your job is not to “trust harder” — it’s to protect yourself and go slower.
• Step 4: Re‑check in a week. Trust readiness is a trend, not a one‑time test.

Finally, remember: trust isn’t just “opening your heart.” It’s also “choosing well,” “moving at a pace your body can handle,” and “staying loyal to your boundaries.” If this meter helps you name what you need, it’s doing its job.

How to use this responsibly

Use the Trust Readiness Meter to notice patterns and choose healthier pacing. Don’t use it to self‑diagnose or to justify staying in unsafe situations. If you’re dealing with trauma, ongoing abuse, or you feel unsafe, consider professional support.

• Trust should be earned through consistent behavior, not words.
• Healthy people respect boundaries; unsafe people test them.
• If you feel unsafe or in crisis, contact local emergency services.