The scoring formula (simple on purpose)

Each slider is scored from 1 to 10. We then compute a weighted average — because some pillars (like safety and trust) stabilize everything else. Finally, we scale the result to 0–100 so it’s easy to interpret and track over time.

• Emotional safety: 18%
• Trust: 16%
• Communication clarity: 15%
• Conflict repair: 15%
• Mutual effort: 14%
• Consistency: 12%
• Shared joy: 10%

Let each dimension be a value from 1–10: trust, safety, comm, effort, repair, joy, consistency. Compute:

• WeightedRaw (1–10) = Σ (dimension × weight)
• ScaledScore (0–100) = ((WeightedRaw − 1) ÷ 9) × 100

Why subtract 1 and divide by 9? Because the sliders start at 1 (not 0). This mapping turns: 1 → 0, 5.5 → ~50, and 10 → 100.

• 80–100 (Secure): the connection is sturdy. Protect what works.
• 65–79 (Healthy / workable): solid base with a few fragile points.
• 45–64 (Mixed / inconsistent): good moments + recurring pain points.
• 0–44 (Fragile / risky): protection, clarity, and support matter most.

Three quick examples (so it “clicks”)

These are simplified examples to show how the score behaves. The most useful part is not the final number — it’s which sliders are lowest. That’s your action plan.

Trust 4, Safety 6, Communication 6, Effort 5, Repair 5, Joy 8, Consistency 3. The relationship feels fun, but promises are shaky. The score typically lands in the mixed range. A single high “joy” slider can’t fully compensate for low trust/consistency.

Trust 7, Safety 7, Communication 8, Effort 6, Repair 6, Joy 5, Consistency 8. This is stable and clear, but not very playful (which may be totally fine at work). The score usually falls into the healthy/workable band.

Trust 3, Safety 2, Communication 4, Effort 7, Repair 3, Joy 7, Consistency 2. Notice the pattern: lots of effort and highs, but low safety and low consistency. The score tends to be fragile. The best next step isn’t “try harder” — it’s create safety and boundaries.

Run the score twice: once for “how it feels lately” and once for “your ideal.” The gap is a clear conversation starter: “What would move this slider up by 1 point?”

How to use this score in real life

Think of the Connection Quality Score like a dashboard. It doesn’t diagnose the engine. It tells you what to check.

“Today” captures a mood; “Last 7 days” captures a pattern; “Last 30–90 days” captures the relationship climate. If you’re making decisions, use at least 7–30 days to reduce “one bad day” bias.

A common trap is rating based on what someone could be. For accuracy, ask: “If a friend watched our last few interactions, what would they score?”

The calculator automatically identifies your lowest dimensions and turns them into a short action plan. Improving a relationship often looks like raising one slider by one point — not “fixing everything.”

• Trust: make one clear commitment and follow through.
• Safety: reduce sarcasm/criticism; increase validation.
• Communication: define expectations in plain language.
• Effort: rebalance who initiates and who carries emotional labor.
• Repair: practice “pause → return → repair” after conflict.
• Joy: schedule one “light moment” (walk, game, shared interest).
• Consistency: track patterns for 2–4 weeks and adjust boundaries.

Save weekly snapshots. Trend beats perfection. A relationship moving from 52 → 60 over a month is meaningful, even if it’s not “perfect.” If you’re in a consistently unsafe dynamic, consider seeking support.

Frequently Asked Questions

• Is this a clinical assessment?

  No. It’s an educational self‑reflection tool. It cannot diagnose attachment, trauma, or mental health conditions.

• Can I use this for friendships or work relationships?

  Yes. The sliders map to any connection where trust, safety, clarity, repair, and effort matter.

• What if we’re in a rough season (new baby, job stress, distance)?

  Use a longer timeframe (30–90 days) and interpret with context. Some sliders may dip temporarily. The key is whether the relationship remains repairable.

• What does “emotional safety” actually mean?

  Feeling like you can speak honestly without being mocked, punished, threatened, or dismissed. Safety doesn’t mean “no conflict.” It means conflict can happen without fear.

• Why is joy weighted lower than safety?

  Joy matters — but in most relationships, safety and trust determine whether joy is sustainable. Fun without safety often becomes a rollercoaster.

• What if my score is very low?

  Consider support: a trusted friend, coach, therapist, mediator, or community resource depending on your situation. If you feel unsafe or in crisis, contact local emergency services immediately.

• How often should I use it?

  Weekly is ideal for trend tracking. Daily can be useful during active repair or conflict cycles.

• Does a high score mean “never leave”?

  No. A score is data, not destiny. You still get to choose what’s right for you. The most useful outcome is clarity about what you need.

Use responsibly

Use this score to notice patterns, guide conversations, and build healthier habits — not to diagnose or label yourself or someone else. If you’re dealing with coercion, threats, or ongoing harm, prioritize safety and seek local support resources.

• Run “Last 7 days” once a week for important relationships.
• Pick the lowest slider and choose one tiny action to move it up by 1 point.
• Re-check next week. Look for direction, not perfection.