The scoring formula (transparent + practical)

Each slider is rated from 1 to 10. We combine them using a weighted average. The weights reflect a simple idea: some relationship skills act like “infrastructure.” When they’re strong (especially trust, boundaries, and repair), the relationship can handle stress without becoming lopsided.

• Trust & reliability: 22%
• Boundaries respected: 20%
• Conflict repair: 18%
• Communication clarity: 16%
• Support & emotional safety: 14%
• Reciprocity (give‑and‑take): 10%

First we compute a weighted score on the same 1–10 scale:

• Weighted10 = communication×0.16 + trust×0.22 + reciprocity×0.10 + boundaries×0.20 + repair×0.18 + support×0.14
• Then we convert it to a 0–100 score: BalanceScore = ((Weighted10 − 1) / 9) × 100

Why subtract 1 and divide by 9? Because the minimum slider value is 1 (not 0), and the range from 1 to 10 is 9 points wide. This mapping keeps the score intuitive: 1/10 across the board becomes ~0, and 10/10 becomes ~100.

Three realistic scenarios

These examples show how the same relationship can feel “good” in one area but still be imbalanced overall. The meter is meant to highlight the weakest link so you know what to work on next.

• Communication 7, Trust 6, Reciprocity 6, Boundaries 4, Repair 4, Support 7
• Result: Mid‑50s/60s (Mixed). It feels close, but conflict and boundaries drain energy.
• Next step: Make one boundary explicit (“I need 24 hours before big decisions”).

• Communication 8, Trust 9, Reciprocity 8, Boundaries 8, Repair 7, Support 8
• Result: High‑80s (Balanced). Not perfect, but resilient.
• Next step: Protect the basics: continue weekly check‑ins.

• Communication 4, Trust 4, Reciprocity 5, Boundaries 3, Repair 2, Support 3
• Result: Low‑30s/40s (Imbalanced). It may feel unpredictable or emotionally costly.
• Next step: Prioritize safety and support. If there’s intimidation or coercion, get help.

What your score means (and what it doesn’t)

Your balance score is not a verdict on a person. It’s a snapshot of how the relationship functions lately. Two people can both be “good people” and still have an unhealthy dynamic. Use this as a conversation starter, not a weapon.

• 80–100 (Balanced & steady): Mutual effort, clear boundaries, and repair works. Keep protecting your foundation.
• 65–79 (Mostly healthy): Overall solid with one or two friction points. Improve the lowest slider by 1 point.
• 45–64 (Mixed / fragile): Some good parts, but imbalance shows up under stress. Focus on boundaries + repair.
• 0–44 (Imbalanced): The relationship may feel draining, unsafe, or one‑sided. Consider support, distance, or help.

• Pick the lowest slider (your bottleneck).
• Pick a tiny behavior that moves it by +1 (not +5).
• Re‑check in one week and look for direction, not perfection.

Frequently Asked Questions

• Is this a clinical or professional relationship assessment?

  No. It’s an educational self‑reflection tool. It doesn’t diagnose anything or replace counseling. If you want professional guidance, a licensed therapist or counselor can help you interpret patterns safely.

• Does “balanced” mean we never argue?

  Not at all. Healthy relationships still have conflict. The key is repair: can you return to calm, make meaning, and adjust behavior without punishment or fear?

• What if the score is low but we have good moments?

  That’s common. The meter is sensitive to “infrastructure” sliders (boundaries, trust, repair). Good moments can coexist with imbalance. Consider what happens when stress hits.

• Can I use this for friendships or family?

  Yes. Choose the relationship type. The meaning stays similar: do you feel respected, safe, and mutually supported over time?

• What if I feel unsafe or controlled?

  Your safety matters more than any score. If there’s coercion, threats, stalking, or violence, consider reaching out to local emergency services or a trusted professional/hotline. This tool is not designed to handle crises.

• How often should I use it?

  Weekly is a good rhythm. Save a snapshot, then look for trends (especially in boundaries and repair).

Use scores to guide actions, not blame

If you’re tempted to use this to “prove” someone is wrong, pause. The most useful output is usually one of these: (1) a clearer boundary, (2) a calmer repair conversation, or (3) a decision to seek support.

• “I want us to feel more balanced. Can we talk about what support looks like this week?”
• “I’m noticing I’m over‑functioning. Can we rebalance responsibilities?”
• “When we argue, I need a clear path back to calm. Can we agree on a repair rule?”